


so what is it

by skarsgard



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Different Take on Canon, Angst, Canon Compliant, Confusion, Emotional Hurt, Internal Turmoil, M/M, Misconceptions, Misjudgment of Situation, Misunderstandings, Slow Build, To Be Continued, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:11:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skarsgard/pseuds/skarsgard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a possibility after the courtroom scene no one had thought about </p><p>[more tags in the future]</p>
            </blockquote>





	so what is it

To see that Levi wasn't really who Eren thought he was, generally (as turned out he didn't know him at all) and in a sense of obeying the orders, equally as that he had to sleep in a basement made Eren quite confused, even more as to where he stands. Not that he was scared it was just.. unnerving not to know this. 

He remembered he was to be trained, to be disciplined by pain. And that Levi is the one to provide the punishment. It's not like their old superiors didn't resort to physical penalty, hell they made Sasha run till exhaustion from day 1, general smacks to the head and whatnot weren't uncommon either, but it was nothing like what'd went in court. He felt pain before (loosing limbs kinda numbed the whole pain acknowledging thing tbh for him), pain and loss, but never pain and humiliation, betrayal and anger and helplessness and.. fear. All at the same time. He still feels a shudder wave of cold remembering the whole thing. 

And his current situation makes him feel doubtful because he doesn't really understand... On one hand Levi didn't really seem like he enjoyed this, yes he knows his act at the court seemed to prove this otherwise for everyone but.. he didn't strike him as an angry person. On the other hand, they went through with the basement.. And Levi asked him if he'd hated him... Didn't mean he didn't have to continue playing this role.

And maybe he'd go through with this too, maybe, if he has to, as long as it doesn't stop him from reaching his goal. He'll endure it. After all, Levi's just following orders too. It just makes him angry not to know what to expect. 

He doesn't know where he stands. He doesn't know where they stand. 

But what if it's true though. What if it's like he fears it is, what if Levi has to make a show of beating him up to nearly unconsciousness to "train him like a dog" in order to calm the people that fear him. What if he has to do this in front of his squad.. Eren remembered how easily they've turned on him that time and how stupid he was for forgetting they feared him, for forgetting he was a monster. He has to be prepared. He has to earn their trust, he can't disobey. Still, he much rather preferred that some in his case short-term bruises would be enough, he viciously hoped so, if it comes to this...

Honestly, he felt like shit because it's not like he liked getting beat up - he flinched like a week. Especially great was flinching in front of Levi himself! He still had a lot of respect for the man and tried not to do that with him. He snorted to himself as despite his respect he thought of pissing the man off just so he'd know, because this was honestly making him antsy. 

God! What was his problem?! Eren grunted loudly. He haven't got another beating yet, right? He should be happy! He slowly slided his hands to cover his face. 

Yet.

Yet. Yet. Yet. Yet.

He couldn't stop thinking about it.


End file.
